Bass

I bought my bass & all the stuff that goes with it a few years ago.

I was extremely suicidal and it scared me. So I tried to find some sort of release, some sort of therapy that did not require me sitting in front of a shrink for an hour of awkward question-dodging.

The sound is deep, the resonating notes made my hands tingle and bounced around the inside of my ears. It was extremely calming. It made everything stop hurting for just a little while.

I really love that bass. I think it may have saved my life.

Fortunately that part of my life has passed. I can get out of bed these days. I no longer think about driving off a bridge on the interstate. I no longer think about hanging myself or taking pills and falling asleep in a tub of water.

So I am selling my bass and using that money to get more lenses or to pay off what I already owe.


That part of life when I just needed to feel safe is gone, replaced by a part of my life when I want to grow and change. Now I need to move in an entirely different direction.

I am trading what saved me for something that will hopefully propel me to new paths.

It makes me a bit sad to let go of that bass.
It isn't about how much it costs or the material possession.
Truthfully I am terrible musically. I can't even hum on key. I couldn't keep the rhythm going. My hands always hurt after a few hours of plucking on those strings. After a while all the notes sounded the same and I gave up.

It feels more like I am selling something that made me feel safe, even briefly.

Like I'm giving away a part of me.

It still has to be done. I can't hang onto things like that.

Maybe it'll help somebody else. Who knows.