2 and then some weeks of blahishness

I am so ridiculously tired but still wide awake.

I'm in the middle of organizing post its, index cards, & tiny random scribblings into an entire map of concepts.

I hope I pass these classes.

The words & pictures are being sorted through. They are being pounded into my brain only to dribble out my ears.

I keep trying to learn & memorize this stuff and nothing is sticking, but it seems really pointless to lay around and attempt to sleep.

FML. I hate school. I hate responsibility and other peoples' expectations and having to be an adult. I hate that something is wrong with my wiring and I can be fine for a few weeks and then totally out of touch for a few weeks after that.

I am anxious for no reason. I've also been feeling really bummed out for the past few weeks for no reason at all, which just makes me think it is a weird chemical imbalance. I don't want to be on meds again. I hated being a zombie for months and then trying to kill myself just to see what would happen once I started to get used to the medicine when those little sporadic bursts of energy would occur.
*bang head on desk*

Anyway... back to memorizing gram negative/gram positive bacteria.