chemicals and mood swings

I have no idea what is wrong with me.

I start off the day fine, then I feel awful for hours, then I am fine again, then I stay up at night because of the anxiety attacks. I feel like I am going to puke because of this constant fear & dread in the pit of my stomach. There are all these random thoughts that come out of nowhere and make no sense, like they don't even belong to me.
I keep thinking about how much I hate everything, how much I hate myself, and how easy it would be to just make everything stop permanently. There is no reason for me to think like this or feel this horrible, but I do. I'm trying hard to just be logical and think about all the good things in my life, all the good things I am looking forward to this year, the next year, the one after that, and so on and so forth, in an attempt to make these thoughts and feelings go away.

FML. I just want to be normal.