My moods keep fluctuating.
I feel the depression fighting it's way into my day and I have been doing my best to distract myself with studies, work, and hanging out with friends. I've been reading my textbooks as well as regular books at night when I can't sleep.
Most of the time it will go away, but I have this fear that my mental state is slowly dissipating because the insomnia is at it's worst in about a year, I'll get extreme lows, suicidal thoughts and urges that come out of nowhere only to quickly disappear again, and I start to see people moving out the corners of my eyes when nobody is around.
I just really don't want to be crazy.
I can't afford to lose grip on reality any time soon.
My family isn't taken care of yet. I want to be able to finish med school and save up a decent amount of money from my good job so they wont have financial issues.
In times like this I really wonder where the hell my priorities are. Like they aren't even really MY priorities.
They're really not.
I feel like I don't have my own priorities at this moment.
And I'm going to go take pictures of Lilybean now, before I start to think about how easy it would be to cease to exist. I hate when I get like this.
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