jittery

The day started off with a nice little bout of anxiety, but I am making myself just keep on moving.

I have a nice little stash of zoloft today, but haven't taken any. I really should start again, but I've gone several months without it when my insurance was tied up in red tape and corporate answering machines so I have to start off with half doses & slowly increase to the right amount.

This sense of imbalance is really fucking with my head and I miss the feeling of being centered. It was nice to not be totally numb, but it was like being on the anti-crazy meds gave me a tougher skin or acted as a dam to keep the insanity at bay.
Ok, slight exaggeration. I don't believe I was ever truly insane-acting. I just become very reactive at times when I am not medicated.

Everything affects me a little more. I had forgotten this feeling of being on a hairline trigger and feeling overwhelmed by everything. The slightest things that I had been able to take in stride, almost in a numbed manner, have started to bring out this complete ire in me. Little problems and issues feel magnified and my instinct is to snap back right away.

The only benefit is that when my mind races I come up with some really awesome ideas for art & photography, which is the only thing that really makes me happy when I'm like this.

I'll start back on the meds tonight. I just need to start stockpiling this stuff for when I have no insurance in about 2 years.

I can give up a little bit of creativity for a sense of serenity.